A Drop in the Bucket List

Hello again. I let the weekend slip by me and before I knew it…another Monday was here! And I had not even gotten a chance to tackle last week’s creative thinking question posed.

Did you get to think about my latest Kuhnspiration exercise or even respond privately in your own journal? The question raised:

Do you have a bucket list, and if so, would you be willing to share some of the items on your own list as well as why they made the cut?

I know quite a few people who have alluded to the fact that they have a formal bucket list they maintain, and some of them replace items on the list as they complete them whereas others, appear to have a goal of checking off each one so there simply isn’t anything left to tackle.

I will admit: I don’t have a list. And sometimes I feel funny about that. It almost seems expected that everyone is wandering around with this all-important checklist, the GRAND TO-DO list of them all. It just isn’t so.

So why is it that I haven’t felt compelled to do one – ME! The QUEEN OF LISTS! The she-ra of closure and check-check-check-check it off?!

Good question.

Maybe it’s the finality of a bucket list, what it implies – I must do this before I die.

Perhaps it’s the fear of actually making them happen – what is that expression: be careful what you wish for or you just might get it.

Or it might be far simpler than that. I may just be lazy.

I think maybe more than anything what’s prevented me from even considering the notion of compiling a bucket list is that it feels forced to me. I know that one of my personal afflictions is that I’m a people pleaser, and I think I’d always be second-guessing that bucket list: is it really what I want to do or what I think others would expect me to want to do? Or what I think my husband would want to do? Or a woman my age should want to do?

For example, I should want to do something thrilling and exciting like my friend just did when she turned 50 and went skydiving, right?  Because when you hit an important milestone, you should want to experience something life-affirming…that’s what everybody tells me.

But you know what? I don’t. And that idea of jumping out of a plane thousands and thousands and thousands of feet in the air…well, that image just scares the shit out of me! I don’t see any possible joy in that, I don’t care how intoxicating, invigorating or mind-blowing it is. It’s not for me and my already racing heartbeat, borderline high blood pressure, scaredy-cat mentality, easily frazzled nerves say nuh-uh. No way, no how, not happening. 

Now maybe hopping on a train to anywhere, destination unknown, and letting a vacation happen organically – that could be exciting and daring and adventurous for someone like me (read: the anal-retentive planner).

That, however, is about as exciting or daring as I’m going to get. (Sorry to disappoint, thrill-seekers.)

I wish I wanted to create a bucket list, but it just feels wrong for me. I’m so indecisive, I probably couldn’t come up with a finite number of items like 25, 50 or 100 anyway. I’d keep wavering back and forth.

Am I wrong that I want to simply enjoy life coming at me, life happening to me, experiences unfolding as they do rather than as I create them? Okay, maybe not wrong – but am I weak or lazy or unambitious?

I hope not. It sure is a fun ride and I’m not looking to get off my little stationary pony anytime soon. But it is always a hoot to see what opportunities will present themselves if I just put myself where I want to be and with whom I want to be. Life is a funny little movie sometimes.

Not-so-much an ANCHORMAN or WALK HARD funny little movie.

More like a Jim Jarmusch or David Lynch funny little movie.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on bucket lists and if you are a subscriber, feel free to share whatever you wish about your own list.

Cheers to finding that daily spark in your life!




  1. Blog Double-Take 2012 « Kuhn Stories - [...] A Drop in the Bucket List (Oct. 8) [...]

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